Feel Free

'Feel free to interrupt my lifestyle at whim'. That is the motto of the mother of the 00's. She is on the go, with her career, her family, and all the needs of both worlds... How does she do it, one asks... my answer is simply..


"I don't know!".... I'm single!... I struggle with finances, job, day to day living... not to mention a social life... I can't imagine what her life is like. I find myself obsessed from time to time with the notion of what it would be like to be married. The only thing that comes to mind is I would have to share everything I own... No more soul possession of the Remote Control. No more eating in bed in a face pack and underwear. (Do I sound appealing or what!..) I would have twice the laundry to worry about, twice the dishes, and only half the bathroom time I have available now.

But hey, lets get to the point. Being single is not necessarily the best world either... Sure I have the freedom to come and go as I please, but unless I can find a friend to do things with, I do everything alone. There are days when I wake up and all I want to do is turn on cartoons and pretend I'm about 10 years old. No worries... What is the Lion King motto....'Hakuna Matata'... oh well. Reality calls and I am full of beans.. Can't take it with you, but I sure would enjoy it if I had some of it right now... I had a small boy tell me the other day that I was really old (he was 10). I'm slightly over 40!... I don't feel old.. I feel like I'm about 17....

You know I saw one of those commercials the other day about 'Feminine Hygiene Protection'. You know they only run those things during prime hours when women will be watching. I think they're tacky... I mean let's get real, how many times do you see a commercial for 'Male Hygiene Protection'? "Hey bubba you know that awful itchy sensation I get ev'r to or t'ree times a month?...doc says use this....." I mean bleack!....Change of topic.

I may be only slightly over 40, but I really feel like sometimes I am losing my mind... I forget the simplest things. Where my keys are for instance. (I searched for those stupid things for three hours yesterday... and you know where I found them? In the refrigerator!...) Life for me is one endless stream of 'what was it I was supposed to do today?'

I stopped ironing. I think it's a useless cause...I also stopped cleaning my bedroom, and I concentrated my energies on the rooms that someone was going to see...like the bathroom and the living room. By now, if you feel like I'm making no sense, I would agree with you. I think they call it rambling... oh well, anyone know what cartoon is on right now?

Biological Clock

When I was little, I dreamed of having babies. Dolls were wonderful children – they never cried, talked back, threw up on you, absolutely perfect. But then one day I learned what happened when you had babies. First you had to get real close to a boy (which when your eleven is gross) and then you had to carry it inside you for, like forever. (Nine months to an eleven year old is like 20 years to an adult) And then it ripped its way out, which, like, had to be painful! And if you haven’t noticed I find myself flashing back into ‘valley girl speak’ for no apparent reason. It was then that I decided I was never having babies…ever! And I made sure everyone knew it.

Around the age of thirteen I began to baby-sit. Mostly it was awful, and sometimes it was fun. But on rare occasions I could almost imagine being a mom, and it didn’t seem so bad. Around 15 or 16 I think I decided that maximum efficiency would be best. Twins – as if you can control what you get! You go through the exposure once and get twice the product. Now that I’m in my thirties and have successfully hit the snooze button on that horrible biological clock for shall we say the fifth time, I am convinced I want to experience childbirth, but don’t want to raise anything. I mean when I’ll be turning 50 they’ll be 18! Which brings me back to my original point – expectations being what they are, It’s more fun to dream than to actually do anything about it.